I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
