Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
