we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
