that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize