I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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