Michael Bay diarrhea
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
