My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize