Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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