you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
