He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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