I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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