if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We are two peas in an std pod
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
