I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
