how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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