you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
