apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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