She said her name was "party"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
