And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
