You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
