My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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