I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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