So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
