your parents love me but you hate me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
