i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need water and some morals
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
