Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
