She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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