Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
