Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
