My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
