Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
