Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
