fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
