chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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