when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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