i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
