Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
