I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
