Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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