I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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