i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
