i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its not stalking. its research.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
