Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
