mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
