I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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