My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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