Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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