If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
