Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
