you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
