Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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