my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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