That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
