Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
