didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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