So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
