Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
