I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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