I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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