Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
