I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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