she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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